“SOME FILMS I SAW OVER THE LAST 7 WEEKS: Volume 3 – ‘Away We Go’, ‘Up’, ‘Zombieland’, ‘Fish Tank’, ‘Into the Wild’ and 14 others…” by Nick Chen

This edition: ‘Away We Go’, ‘Bitter Moon’, ‘Brazil’, ‘Drag me to Hell’, ‘Fish Tank’, ‘The Fearless Vampire Killers’, ‘Get Smart’, ‘Into The Wild’, ‘L.A. Confidential’, ‘Lawn Dogs’, ‘Magnolia’, ‘Margot at the Wedding’, ‘Punch-Drunk Love’, ‘Rosemary’s Baby’, ‘The Squid and the Whale, ‘True Romance’, ‘Up’ , ‘Whatever Works’ and ‘Zombieland’.

Here are more reviews from someone who knows very little about films. There’ll be more in a few weeks time, and I plan to watch ‘Fantastic Mr. Fox’, ‘Repulsion’, ‘Jennifer’s Body’, ‘Twelve Monkeys’, ‘I Love You Beth Cooper’ and ‘Stranger Than Paradise’ amongst others.

Away We Go (2009) – 6.5/10

Let us go then, John Krasinski and I, when the plot is spread out across America like any indie road trip film, etherised upon a table; let us go through certain half-amusing scenes, the muttering retreats of inconsequential characters in one-joke homes to lead you to an overwhelming question… Oh, do not ask, “What is it?” Just don’t necessarily make a visit. (It’s okay, I guess.)

Bitter Moon (1992) – 4/10

Quite frankly, terrible, but also hilarious, if not just for the bizarre plot of a man in a wheelchair dictating his sexual history to Hugh Grant, but mostly for Hugh Grant’s facial reactions over the film’s two hours. Strangely compelling and unwatchable at the same time – a bit like the actual moon.

Brazil (1985) – 9.5/10

Terry Gilliam’s futuristic vision is incredibly vivid and believable, yet hardly any of it looks like a product of CGI. The backdrop is for one man’s struggle against bureaucracy as he tries to save a woman he repeatedly dreams about, but there’s always so much to be watching elsewhere on the screen. The absurd machinery! And you also get Robert De Niro as a man wanted for being the world’s most dangerous terrorist, but actually fixes air conditioning.
Terry Gilliam’s dystopia is like your dystopia, only so much better.

Drag Me to Hell (2009) – 6.5/10

An entertaining horror comedy, but just doesn’t compare to the Evil Dead series, which are unrivalled in ‘cinematic awesomeness’ (not my term, I heard it on a train). Raimi understands his audience, so he doesn’t try too hard to form a developed plot, and instead creates a series of amusing set pieces. And you get to see Alison Lohman dragged to hell, which is always fun to watch.

Fish Tank (2009) – 6/10

Fish Tank is very much like looking at a fish tank: you see a fish tank that is very much like every other British realist fish tank being released every year at cinemas. Apparently, the main actress was picked for the role when she was spotted having an argument with her boyfriend at a train station. And she’s the best part of the film, which might be all you need to know.

The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967) – 6.5/10

Aside from a few unforgettable scenes, I’m not sure that there’s much substance to The Fearless Vampire Killers, although you probably guessed that from the title. It’s neither a horror nor a comedy; it’s too farcical to be a horror, yet there are very few jokes. Luckily, the memorable moments are very memorable: Roman Polanski’s amusing yelps, an escape scene involving using a coffin as a toboggan, and a five minute dance involving a hundred people in a room that ends when a mirror reflection only shows three people, thus indicating that everyone is a vampire. So it’s worth checking the mirror now and then, not just to make sure you haven’t smeared any mascara all over your pretty face.

Get Smart (2008) – 6/10

Steve Carrell and Anne Hathaway make this ‘trash’ extremely watchable without being particularly clever, funny or exciting. Hollywood moves in strange ways, and with a few unnecessary explosions, judging by this film.

Into the Wild (2007) – 8/10

Every parent’s nightmare: Emile Hirsch will desert you. It’s to Sean Penn’s credit that a film based on one man’s isolation, and thus a lack of dialogue, can be so moving and captivating over 148 minutes. There are tricks, such as Jena Malone’s voiceovers and Hirsch making new friends along the way, but I think it’s down to something else: the idea of changing your name and running away to live without money is a fantasy many people have but would never considering trying out, yet the audience can be Hirsch for 148 minutes. I mean, I’d be happy enough being Hirsch in The Breakfast Club, so it’s certainly an experience to follow the ‘Go West’ mentality that only seems possible in American films.

L.A. Confidential (1997) – 4/10

I’m not sure how to criticise this film without using the word ‘boring’ (film critics aren’t meant to use that word, even though I’m not really a film critic) or ‘vacuous’ (it’s set in L.A.) to describe it, but it’s probably more that I’m too boring and vacuous to ever enjoy this type of film.

Lawn Dogs (1997) – 8.5/10

The best film about a lawnmowerer I have ever seen. A better examination of class struggle in suburban America than the first series of Weeds, that episode of The Simpsons where Marge keeps updating a dress for an exclusive club, and what Jane Austen would have done if she was American. And still alive.

Magnolia (1999) – 5/10

Much ado about something, but I’m not really bothered about whatever it is. It has ‘masterpiece’ written all over it, but in such a superficial manner. It’s over three hours long, yet three weeks later, all I can remember is the falling frogs. Yes, the falling frogs. Even The Truth About Cats and Dogs didn’t do something like that when it ran out of ideas.

Margot at the Wedding (2007) – 6.5/10

A slow, very slow, broodingly slow, dark comedy with no likeable characters played by likeable actors. Nicole Kidman is thoroughly convincing as a bad mother, which is a credit to her acting ability, but also a reminder that she brought children into the world who are being teased right now in the playground for having Tom Cruise as a father.

Punch-Drunk Love (2002) – 7.5/10

There are infrequent moments of a disarray of strutted colours that appear on the screen for a few seconds, and these are a few examples of the beautiful direction in Anderson’s follow-up to Magnolia. Rather than several stories I didn’t care about, there is a simple focus on a blackmail scam with a tender love story at the same time. There is a real ‘love conquers all’ motif that passes the hard task of not seeming comically unbelievable, and that is down to a sharp script with sharp direction. Sharp.

Rosemary’s Baby (1968) – 7.5/10

When Polanski has to face a jury, he might say, ‘Rosemary, baby,’ and the judge will rule: it was scary, yes, but that doesn’t excuse Bitter Moon. Maybe Mia Farrow’s experience with this film is why she decided to adopt so many children later on in her life.

The Squid and the Whale (2005) – 7/10

A story of a two children coping with their parents’ divorce, and each of the main characters are human (apart from the cat), so don’t let the title mislead you, if you decided to watch this film after enjoying Snakes on a Place. The film never really ends; it just stops. And that’s because any film about a family surviving a divorce can be captivating, within reason, and Jeff Daniels is inspiring as the father that only ever seems to exist in ‘intellectual American indie films’. Overall, it’s good, but not good enough name your band after (that message is aimed at you, Noah And The Whale).

True Romance (1993) – 6/10

Tarantino’s violent script is directed in a truly bizarre fashion, and you wonder what it would have looked like if he had been able to direct his own film. Although my guess it would have looked like lots of films that already exist in Tarantino’s DVD collection (or torrent downloads folder). There’s nothing that compares to the likes of Pulp Fiction or Kill Bill, and perhaps it should be left for a rainy day. That is, if it is raining bullets or Christian Slaters (although I would never joke about the weather, even if it is raining clowns).

Up (2009) – 5/10

I’m not ageist, but I really dislike children and old people. Especially in animated form.

Whatever Works (2009) – 8/10

Whatever Works isn’t necessarily a return to form for Woody Allen, but I found it to be his most enjoyable film since 1993’s Manhattan Murder Mystery. So it is strange to say that isn’t a ‘return to form’, but it doesn’t compare with his classics from the 1970’s. And, fittingly, this is a discarded script that was written in the 1970’s. Larry David takes the traditional Woody Allen role and it feels like a surreal episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm that involves Evan Rachel Wood as a runaway Southern girl who appears out of nowhere without any depth to her character. In fact, none of the supporting characters have any depth, and it feels underwritten and inconsequential, especially with the blasé happy ending and scenes that don’t involve Larry David. However, this is from Allen’s golden era – yes, the era that brought Annie Hall, Play It Again Sam and Manhattan, and everything from these few years brims with brilliance (although I haven’t seen Interiors yet); despite its flaws, Whatever Works is hugely entertaining and is very funny, particularly in the opening thirty minutes. So, Whatever Works works.

Zombieland (2009) – 9/10
I know film critics aren’t meant to use phrases like ‘non-stop awesome’, but Zombieland really is. I actually watched this the same day as The Squid and the Whale, so it felt a bit weird watching Jesse Eisenberg killing zombies, and especially because I’ve seen Adventureland. You could probably call it Adventureland with zombies, considering the focus on theme parks and awkward romance. There are many laughs to be had, particularly from Woody Harrelson who plays a man who takes too much pleasure from killing zombies, and the Hollywood celebrity cameo that I won’t reveal. The stylised direction works well because of its consistency: even before the opening credits, Eisenberg’s voiceover delivers the first few rules in surviving a zombie apocalypse, and each one has a punch line. So it’s a bit like a zombie film for people who don’t like zombies, but people who like zombie films tend to like anything involving zombies. So it’s a film for everyone – watch it with your grandmother and two-year-olds!