“SOME FILMS I SAW THIS FORTNIGHT: Volume 2 – ‘Inglourious Basterds’, ‘In The Loop’, ‘Wristcutters: A Love Story’ and 9 others…” by Nick Chen

This fortnight: ‘The Baxter’, ‘Dazed and Confused’, ‘Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!’, ‘Fierce People’, ‘Flakes’, ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’, ‘Igby Goes Down’, ‘In the Loop’, ‘Inglourious Basterds’, ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang’, ‘Match Point’, ‘The Rules of Attraction’, ‘Vicky Christina Barcelona’ and ‘Wristcutters: A Love Story’.

The last fourteen days have been fairly eventful, but only if you consider watching fourteen films to be an event. So here are more reviews from someone who knows very little about films.

The Baxter (2005) – 5.5/10

A ‘Baxter’ is the nice guy in romantic comedies who is ditched at the end of the film for the main character. He is usually smart, kind and reliable, but is traditionally left broken-hearted when the female lead picks the more famous actor instead. The Baxter is their story. Smart twist, but one joke stretched too long.

Are you in a relationship with someone who likes you because you’re a decent person, but doesn’t love you? Then this could be the film for you.

Dazed and Confused (1993) – 8/10

Because of watching Freaks and Geeks, Adventureland and Dazed and Confused, we can have fond memories of growing up in our American high schools back in the 70’s. I had a great time. Do you remember when the Zepp were big?

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965) – 5/10

This probably wouldn’t have seemed so ridiculous had I not seen it the day after Fierce People (reviewed next!). Three female dancers drive around and satiate their violent desires, and who can stop them? Slightly different from Spice World: The Movie, but you could probably argue they aim to deliver the same message.

Fierce People (2005) – 3/10

I can guarantee that if two people watched this film in separate buildings and met up immediately afterwards, their first three words would be: “What the fuck?” Half-way, there is a Bridge to Terabithia moment when it becomes the bizarrest whodunit I’ve ever seen, but I can’t reveal anymore without ruining the plot. Although it’s tempting because I wouldn’t really recommend the film to anyone. Hint: it turns from Pride and Prejudice into Kill Bill. At one point, characters unite to chant ‘Fuck! Kill! Fuck! Kill!’ repeatedly, and there are other confusing scenes with imaginary tribe men speaking in their dialect during the action – remarkably, these are actually some of the more normal parts of a film which isn’t even surreal. Weird, but not surreal. The weirdness is unintentional, so bad would probably be a better description.

Fierce People is initially about the disparity of wealth, but I could only notice the disparity of acting talent – Diane Lane outshines everyone as the cool, drug taking mother everyone wants as a next-door neighbour. It’s not completely the actors’ fault as the script is far from perfect – Chris Evans (the actor, not the DJ) can’t be blamed for being unable to convincingly deliver the line “You gave him by place on the balloon!” as his explanation for why he had to commit male rape on a fourteen-year-old boy. Oh no, I just gave away the ending!

“Why? Why did you do it?”

“You gave him my place on the balloon.”

“Get out of my sight.”

Flakes (2006) – 6/10

Flakes was only ever shown in one cinema and it only made $778, so I don’t know how I ended up watching it. The story is about two cereal cafés at war with each other. That’s the plot. Nothing else. There’s a bit of relationship trouble between the main couple, but the tension’s almost non-existent. They don’t even split up at any point. The film is actually about two cafés that only sell cereal trying to outsell each other. I can’t repeat myself anymore times – that was actually the plot of the film.

Christopher Lloyd has a small part where he plays a similar character to the Back to the Future films, but without the time machine or scientific knowledge. And when you think harder about what that character must be like, it actually seems quite tragic. I hope Christopher Lloyd is okay.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) – 7/10

For the first hour, it’s as if someone watched a Quentin Tarantino film and then decided to write their own Quentin Tarantino film. Except this time that person was Quentin Tarantino. I’m not sure why Tarantino had to act in it – I think the term might be ‘self-indulgence’? But it doesn’t matter because he’s overshadowed by George Clooney in the main role. I forget how much I love George Clooney, and he handles the dangerous criminal better than Robbie Biggs could pretend to be an E.R. doctor. It falls short of a three second cameo from John Travolta in the background to make it an additional chapter to Pulp Fiction, but ruins it a bit by mutating into Twilight with nudity – I think that’s what will also happen to New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.

In the Loop (2009) – 8/10

The first that struck me about this film was probably different from most viewers. I’d imagine most people would marvel at how funny the film is and how the jokes are actually more based on wordplay than politics. Maybe they would marvel at the satire of modern politics or the hilarious comic performances by, well, everyone. I was more startled by the fact Gina McKee can walk. If you’re wondering, she’s the woman in a wheelchair in Notting Hill. Contrary to what many people might think, you don’t need much political awareness to enjoy this film. Trust me – even I understood the plot, and I haven’t watched the news in about ten years.

Igby Goes Down (2002) – 7/10

This film probably would have got a higher rating if I hadn’t been so distracted by the fact Igby is played by Macaulay Culkin’s brother. Kieran Macaulay, I believe is his name. But I shall instead call him Macaulay Culkin’s brother so you know how I watched the film. In Macaulay Culkin’s Brother Goes Down, Macaulay Culkin’s brother traverses across America and accidentally seducing women he bumps into. And if you’re wondering, they never confuse Macaulay Culkin’s brother with Macaulay Culkin – Macaulay Culkin’s brother has extremely disturbing facial expressions that completely suit the unforgiving character he plays, unlike Macaulay Culkin whose face is only disturbing if you’re a clumsy burglar.

Inglourious Basterds (2009) – 7/10

Incorrectly spelt and almost incorrectly cast – apparently Adam Sandler was initially cast in Eli Roth’s role. Luckily, most of the main cast display an emotional depth that would probably overwhelm Billy Madison, Big Daddy and that one where he plays an angry hockey player who implausibly becomes America’s best golfer. The two main performances are by Mélanie Laurent and Christoph Waltz, and both are excellent. Laurent holds the film’s emotional centre, but Waltz steals the show as the ‘Jew Hunter’ – he is both sinister and charming, and will probably be nominated for an Oscar. Yes, that’s right – Brad Pitt doesn’t play the protagonist, despite what the trailers and promotion tell you. Is there anyone yet who still hasn’t heard Tarantino’s story about getting drunk with Pitt at a French vineyard? I don’t know how Pitt gets away with making bad acting seem acceptable, but he does it again. Maybe it’s his good looks.

The opening scene is an interrogation that lasts twenty minutes, and is brilliant – even though much of the dialogue is just ordinary conversation, this increases the tension lying underneath through what is not said. Most of the film follows this pattern, but not as well. Unfortunately, many of the plot twists are easy to predict, mainly because you know it’s a Tarantino film – if you see more than one person with a gun at the beginning of a scene, you know it will end with a Mexican standoff.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) – 8/10

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang should not be confused with the 2000 film of the same name. It is similar to The Big Lebowski in style, but without the Coen Brothers’ name to add critical appreciation (I love the Coens). The fourth wall is broken to such an extent that the narrator narrates the narration, and the plot is deliberately hard to follow. Any substance is sacrificed for rapid fire jokes, but it somehow works. The film is in love with itself, so it’s a bit like the guy at school who was really good at acting and loved himself because of it, but was funny so got away with it. Yeah, this film was like Andrew.

Match Point (2005) – 7/10

In fifty years time, period dramas about this current decade will be like Match Point. It was wrong for Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Scarlett Johansson to have an affair in the film. Not because he’s married, but because they have the same face – they look like brother and sister! Anyway, Woody Allen responds to his critics who say he’s not funny anymore by producing a completely serious drama that is interesting for most of its time. It’s definitely the best film about tennis I’ve seen, although that’s me just paraphrasing that it was better than Wimbledon.

The Rules Of Attraction (2002) – 4/10

It felt as if the director wanted to direct music videos instead, which he does a few times within the film. If you read last fortnight’s reviews, then you will would understand what I mean when I say that The Rules Of Attraction is, scriptwise, the complete opposite of Adventureland. So, to sum up those two sentences, the director is good, writer is bad. Except they’re both the same person. I don’t blame him too much as, after all, it’s hard to take a film seriously when it stars Dawson from Dawson’s Creek.

Vicky Christina Barcelona (2008) – 5/10

I’m fairly indifferent towards this, and I reckon Woody Allen felt the same way.

Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006) – 9/10

I was not expecting to love this film so much. Sossamon resurrects her career from the above-mentioned The Rules Of Attraction in a kinda love story set in an alternate world where people go once they’ve committed suicide – a place just like Earth where everything’s the same, except a bit worse. After a bad break-up, Zia kills himself but later ends up on a road trip to find his ex-girlfriend who also killed herself. Along the way, he meets a hitch-hiker who wants to find ‘the people in charge’ as her overdose was accidental, not suicide. I’ll stop talking because I realise that I am not making this film sound that great, but it really is and is my film of the fortnight. Go see it!